What is proper for a coworker who had a death in the family?

My aunt died last week. I let my supervisor know and my coworkers passed the word along also. I had two times when I broke down and cried at work before the funeral.



The visitation was this past Tuesday, the funeral Wednesday morning. None of my coworkers showed up at the visitation, which was expected since it was an hour and a half away. One or two expressed condolences, the others simply didn't say anything.



My question is, when I returned to work after the funeral, there was no card and nothing had been sent from my department. I only question this (and am somewhat hurt about it) because in the last 4 months, two other coworkers in this department had deaths in the family and our department sent them bouquets and cards. (I know because I chipped in.) When I got to work, my boss asked if I had fun on my two days off. I also saw a condolences card to someone in another department that they had all signed.



I am very hurt by my bosses comment as well as the fact that no one seems concerned for my feelings but they can send a card to someone we don't even work with. Am I just being stupid? How do I handle this as now I feel less than friendly to all of them?What is proper for a coworker who had a death in the family?
The only possible thing I can think of is that the word didn't get passed along or that they forgot and both are horrible. If it is standard for a person with a death in the family to get a card, then it is strange that you didn't get one. Your work community sounds very close and I can see why it hurt you. Is the card only for people who have lost relatives directly (for example, people who have lost their mothers or brothers, not an extended family member?) is it only for people who are high on the corporate ladder? Neither one of these things should matter of course... and I hope the answer to them both is no.

Mistakes and accidents happen. Try to find out what happened and why you were so different. If you can't find out try to keep an open mind about it, because until you find out the truth you'll be working around these people every day. If you do find out what happened you can go from there. What is proper for a coworker who had a death in the family?
Wow, it seems somebody may have dropped the ball in communicating this to your department. But then again you said a couple gave their condolences. Is your supervisor and boss the same person? If so why would they ask if you had fun on your days off when you told them you had a death in the family?



Maybe they did not believe you? I would talk to them and get to the bottom of it.



Edit,



In most work places, Aunts uncles, step parents and children are included.
Traditionally, cards and flowers are sent for only immediate family members: parents, child, brother/sister, spouse. A particularly close friend-coworker may give you a card but especially should give you a word of condolences (perhaps even a hug).



I realize you were close to your aunt, but traditional work place practice USUALLY does not directly react to the death of extended family members.



However, your boss's question about ';having fun'; on your two days off was completely out of line. I hope you replied with something like, ';I don't consider funerals fun.'; Perhaps your boss is angry that you took the time off work. Again, bereavement time off is not always granted for extended family.



I'm sorry for your loss. I loved my aunt and was very sad when she died. Some families are closer than others and those without the closeness do not understand.
Do not expect much from the world, usually people sucks, so really, don't feel sorry about yourself. About your boss's comments, just ignore him maybe he was drunk or he's just a jerk so really try not to care about people's comments. I'm sorry about your aunt, I hope you get over it soon.
sorta like when you tell all your friends that your birthday is the coming in the next couple of days, and when your birthday finally comes you don't get any happy birthdays.



I guess the real hurt is that you were expecting and/or hoping they would do something, such as give you a card., and they didn't. Idk why people do that.



And what your boss said was wrong. Considering you told him there was a death in the family and then asking you if you had fun with your two days off. That is inconsiderate.
A lot of people are afraid sometimes they don't know how to approach someone who has lost a loved one.. One of my former colleagues had lost her husband in a car crash.. I was scared when she came back to work.. lost for words.. but I just gave her a hug.. then I managed to talk to her.. that helped me.. that I didn't need to say anything.. just hug her.. no words were necessary.. she understood that I was trying to say.. I am sorry for your loss and I am here for you'' I couldn't have put it in words.. so I used body language.. Yes.. I would not have gone to the viewing either but they should have said something to you and the whole company only needed to buy one single sympathy card and everybody should have written something on it.. that would have been the correct way.. but try to forgive them...I would be hurt as well.. but just ask them in a quiet way .. when you talk to them next if they didn't know your aunt passed away.. why nobody said anything to you.. that you feel hurt by that. that excludes the co-workers who gave you their condolences.. they acted correctly..
if that were me i would have gone back to my boss and asked why would have posses her to say something so stupid like that? surely she/he known of your funeral. i wouldn't let something so rude like that slip by.
You wrote: When I got to work, my boss asked if I had fun on my two days off.



And the correct response: ';No, I was at my aunt's funeral.';



For the sake of harmony in the workplace, I would try not to take the lack of condolences too personally. For example, at my place of employment . . . we offer condolences for immediate family. That is the policy.



If spouse, or parent, sibling, or child has passed . . . then yes. There may be cards, food, and flowers sent. But for extended family? Usually only those closest to the coworker (usually those who socialize with the person outside of work) respond or send something.