Monday, December 12, 2011

How do you deal with a difficult coworker?

How do you deal with a difficult coworker?



I have a coworker who has suddenly stopped all communication with me. I did nothing other than normal, and she used to make small talk with me, and most importantly, communicate about work related things. Now, nothing. If she needs to communicate, she goes through another coworker or plasters post its all over everything. Today I said hi to her and she stared right through me! I don't even know what I did wrong. We work in a small office and we all get along- for the most part. She is the exception .She stopped talking to one of the maintenance guys because he gave her a compliment on her hair and now she won't talk to him at all. How do I handle this without taking it personally or letting it stress me out (like it has been doing)?How do you deal with a difficult coworker?
Ask yourself a couple of questions first. One, did you perhaps say or do something to offend her? It seems that when a maintenance guy gave her a compliment, she must have felt that it crossed the line and now avoids contact with him for fear of something else happening. If you don't think you did anything or said anything to offend her, how soon ago was it that her behavior changed? Maybe she heard some gossip and is acting on that.



Whatever it is, you need to communicate this in a forward fashion with her. Say ';hey you know we used to communicate and now we haven't even talked in a while-- did I do or say something? Because if I did, I'm sorry it made you mad/upset/uncomfortable.'; Usually when you own up to what you did, it allows the other person to open up to what is bothering them, even if you personally feel that you did nothing wrong.How do you deal with a difficult coworker?
The best policy is to give her some distance. She will get over it or she won't, at this point it's out of your control. If it becomes a problem you may want to have a quick chat with your boss. I would give it alot of time before I did that if I were you though.
Get two lunches (a kind you know she likes) and bring them in. Let her know that you brought lunch %26amp; you'd like to have lunch with her.



When you're sitting down, approach it politely %26amp; say something along the lines of, ';we used to make small talk while we were working. I miss that %26amp; was wondering if I did anything that irritated you that changed it.'; If you put it like that, she will be less likely to be defensive %26amp; more likely to tell you what's eating her. It could be nothing you've done %26amp; just something that's going on in her personal life. You might have done or said something that didn't sit well with her and you didn't even realize it. It might be (I had a situation like this) that someone else at work is filling her head with lies about something you said or did %26amp; she believes it's true.



When she tells you what's up, don't get defensive, but work to fix it. Even if it was unintentional or if she's just being way oversensitive...don't be defensive %26amp; say something like, ';wow, I didn't realize that happened/I did/said that/whatever. I'm sorry that you were hurt by that.'; Saying you're sorry she was hurt still gives an apology, but allows you to not take sole responsibility for what's going on.



If you approach it like this, you might mend whatever fence is broken %26amp; have a great relationship.
These cases are the most difficult ones. If you ask what is going on, the other person probably wouldn't tell the truth anyway.



It might be a case of so called professional jealousy, which then ends up with devious tricks sabotaging your work or malicious gossip behind your back. Not a very good situation on the long run.



I've been through something like this myself. I got hired as the motor pool mechanic, replacing one of the drivers who was placed in the position (but couldn't do the job) to replace the mechanic who had retired. He hated me from day one, because he thought I stole his job, as I found out later.

If it wouldn't have been me then it would have been somebody else.

There is usually nothing that can be done to clear such a situation, even management tried to solve this crisis by getting us all together, asking everybody what is going on, everybody denied that there was anything going on.



Not even an hour later I came into the shop and the drivers were standing in a corner debating with each other, they didn't hear me coming in but I clearly heard one say:

';We got to get rid of this guy, he can do everything himself, he doesn't need us';. Well so what, it wasn't their job in the first place. On the long run this costs too many nerves, after 3 years I walked away from this nonsense.
If the person, she is going through to communicate with you is someone you know and trust, you could try asking that person for info on what went wrong. Play this one safe though. You never know if this person is some kind of time bomb. Stay away from questionable situations where this person could file a grievance against you.

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