Controlling guy? OR Selfish me?

So I’ve been engaged to this guy for a little over a year. Why so long? My parents are currently going through an ugly divorce. My mom’s life as a married woman made her so unhappy and that scares me. I don’t want to be stuck in anything I can’t get out of. I have had lots of relationships and been “engaged” to three different men but I never took it very seriously because it never lasted.



I’ve been living with this guy for a couple years now and I can’t really say if I’m happy or not. He is an absolute slob and I am constantly cleaning up after him, reminding him to wash his hands and shower, etc. I feel like his mother! If I wasn’t living with him, I would have left him A LONG time ago. I feel trapped because my parents have sold their house and I can’t go back there. Basically everything in our apartment is mine and I try to take care of things when it feels like he is just playing house or something. He could go back home any time he wants. And he ALWAYS gets mad and says he wants to leave and blah blah blah. Really I could care less if he did, although I can’t make the rent on my own. I think he just wants to get a reaction out of me, he is so childish!



Sometimes things are great and I love him. Other times I am just repulsed by him and his disgusting habits. He complains like a woman! He whines and b*tchs CONSTANTLY. It’s always something….”you don’t really like me…you think I’m fat…you don’t want to marry me…”b*tch, b*tch, b*tch!”



He is kind of right. When he acts like that I cannot stand him. The more I write this the more I realize I really shouldn’t be with him but I don’t know how to get out of it!



I don’t really hang out with my friends anymore or do anything fun at all. I feel depressed all the time. Any time I go somewhere he has to come with and he makes me miserable. Everything we do he has to complain about in some way. I got so sick of that, now I don’t want to do anything so he complains about that…”we never do anything, you’re so boring!”



To make matters worse, this guy just started working at my job a few weeks ago. In the past couple days we had some meetings and had to work together on a couple of things. We got along pretty well together, as well as getting along with the other coworkers. He suggested that we ALL…(not just me and him)…go out the bar after work. I never want to go out because I don’t have anyone to go with except the fiancé and he makes me feel bad about something and ruins my night. The thought of new friends to spend time with sounded like the best thing I’ve heard in a long time. I gave him my number so we could figure out where to go. As soon as I told the fiancé about the coworker, sh*t hit the fan. He is freaking out! Saying he wants to knock this guy out and he just wants to get in my pants. I think he is being INSANE and controlling. Am I wrong to feel that way? It’s ok to have males friends, especially when I’m inviting him to come along, and a bunch of other friends, right? He insists that I if I talk to this coworker, I am going to f*ck him somewhere down the line. That makes me feel like he thinks I’ll sleep with anyone and he doesn’t trust me at all.



After all this last night, I’m trying to go to sleep and my fiancé is restless. Up in my face bouncing around yelling at me. Saying I’m stupid and dumb and retarded for not seeing what this guy really wants and no guy wants to be my friend. He makes me feel worthless.



All I want to do is feel how I used to feel. Go out and have fun, be carefree. Not have to mother some grown man, and watch after him all the time. Not have to worry about what he thinks, and what will make him mad next.



Thanks for reading my pathetic story…if you got this far. I really just need someone else’s opinion. Am I being boring? Am I being a b*tch? I really don’t know and like I said I can’t really hang out with my friends anymore so I can’t ask them. How do I get out of here? Do I take my crap and leave? Do I make him leave? How does that work when you’ve signed a lease?

Controlling guy? OR Selfish me?
Sounds like this guy is putting his feelings of insecurity off on you, which is common.



Time for you to hit up his family to get his slob body out of there! pack his stuff and leave it outside the door, change the locks too so he can't get back in,



problem with rent? find a cheaper place or start interviewing for a roommate, no matter what you do, this guy will always blame you for his short commings



and no, you're not a b*tchControlling guy? OR Selfish me?
Neither.

He's a guy, you're his girl, of course he wants it.

A lot of girls are like you.

Like me, I can't picture myself having sex, at least not until im 16 or 17.

Give it sometime, you'll come around eventually.





IM 14 AND LOVE TO DRINK?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
Whoa, whoa, whoa. GET RID OF HIM. If you guys are fighting this much already and he makes you feel worthless, do you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life with him? Think about it. Single is the way to go if you are having those feelings- I know, because I really love my independence. Break it off for your own sake and you will be a much happier woman.
Take your stuff pack it up and walk out the door, do you want to have a ( however old he is ) child right ?

He sounds controlling abusive and A FCKKING B*TCH .
One line said it all. You would have left if you weren't living with him. You owe it to both of you to get out now. Go to the office and explain the situation. Can he afford the place on his own? They can make a new lease with just him on it. But he has to agree to it or they can hold you liable.



Even if you have to pay off your lease, it will cost you much less than if you get into a bad marriage. Take out a loan if you have to. But just staying with him is going to make this snowball. Don't feel trapped. You can leave. You aren't forced to stay.



It will take time to recover from this but one day you will meet the man you belong with and will be so happy you chose to get out of this.
This is not a healthy relationship... He is not treating you good at all!! Actually he is treating you like sh*t..... I mean I would kick him out sense he has a place to go and u don't.... I think that there is someone out there for you and it isn't him he is a controlling bf and u r not selfish....this is horrible sorry that I am writing so much I am angry no man should treat a woman like this....





Email me if u need anything else...



nhensley50@yahoo.com
There is absolutely no question that your ';fiance'; is not the right guy for you. Whatever you do, don't marry him!



It sounds to me like you need some time to be on your own, go out with friends, and explore the world on your own.



The only impediment to your pursuit of happiness is your lease. That's not a big obstacle. When does your lease expire? My advice would be to be on the lookout for a place you can afford on your own. When your lease expires, tell the ';fiance'; that you're getting your own place and he's not welcome there. He can either move back in with his parents or find his own place; it's up to him.



Life is short. Don't settle for what you don't want. Be a person in your own right, keep your standards high, and go out and enjoy your life.
klynn-dont walk out of there RUN!!!! run FAST!! you are NOT being a *****!!!! thank GOD youre not married!

he sounds like an immature ***! get out, have fun!! dont get involved w/anyone else til this CRAP fades.

his opinion of you SUCKS!

walking on eggshells SUCKS!

hes a controlling, self centered idiot!

G-E-T O-U-T NOW!!!! if he leaves-which hes threatened to do-try to line up a FEMALE roomie to pick up the slack on the rent.

good luck, honey! e-mail me if you need more back up!!
Your life sounds like it sucks! I'm only 17 but I've seen my aunts the way you are, and I'm pretty mature for my age . I think you should get your stuff and bounce, you would be so much happier, and you have been engaged 3 times you need to find better men!! LEAVE ASAP



let us knw wat happens=]
Well I think that you definitely need to find a way out. Entering into a marriage when you're already unhappy will only make things worse and more messy when it ends. A couple of things I think you should do.



First figure out the lease thing. If you both signed it, then at least one of you will have to stay. Or you could explain things to the landlord and maybe they would let you off the lease as long as he stayed on it. After you have figured that out, then tell him you're leaving. You want to have everything figured out about what you're going to do, or you won't end up leaving. And take all your stuff.



Second-contact any of your old friends that you miss and see if any of them want to have lunch. Start small, but try to rebuild. You can tell them how sorry you are and what a big jerk he was.



Third-go out with work people. Re-socialize yourself. It won't take long for you to realize that you miss being you! You aren't being a b*tch, you are just waking up.



Bottom line-there is always a solution. Don't let this feeling go away, b/c it will come back. You have to leave when you really feel this way, or you will end up somewhere down the road even more unhappy.



Hope you figure things out! Good luck!
I'll be totally honest and say that you should split up with him and it sounds as though it is your fault more than his. The problem isn't with his b.tching but with your lack of consideration to his feelings. You have been engaged several times before and split it off. You do it again and then see it as the guys fault. Really you don't want commitment and it sounds as though you treat your partners badly towards the end in the hope of losing them. To tell you the truth I am the same and move through women having been engaged several times. I don't blame them though and tell women before I get into relationships that I am a git as a boyfriend. If you don't change your attitude you will be lonely in the future, as I sometimes am. But you will have to give up this guy as you have already polluted your mind to him.
You're not really in love with him if you're telling everybody that he's a whiny slob. Marry him? I don't think you want to. You probably agreed to live with him because subconsciously you figured that he would just grow comfortable with you and forget about the thought of marriage altogether. It sounds like you have commitment issues and instead of falling in love you chose to fall into a comfort zone. But from what you've described so far, your fiancee is a far cry from what you truly want. And what makes things harder is that you can't leave because you don't have anywhere to go but you don't want to be in this situation forever either. Your guy sounds very insecure. If there aren't kids involved I say you should find yourself a new roommate and try to move out. If you can't move out right away, tell him that you need a break and go sleep in a separate room or on the sofa for a little bit just to clear your mind. Good luck!