Sunday, November 21, 2010

How I do I keep my mother out of my love life?

For good. I'm 22, i have a scholarship for college, never have done drugs or smoked, never had sex, but for my whole life NOTHING I ever did was good enough. She never talked to me about sex, calls me a s l u t for even talking to my guy friend (who I later found out was gay), and acts like I have no sexuality because she never even asked me if I thought someone was cute. I NEVER want her involved in my love life but at the same time I don't want to become enemies. I want to have the type of relationship you would have with a classmate, or a coworker--you get along, but never talk about personal lives. HOw do I do this.How I do I keep my mother out of my love life?
That's a difficult type of relationship your trying to establish with your mother. She's not just any other co-worker or non-important person, she's the woman who gave you life. Granted, moms can be a bit pushy and overbearing, but you should look at the overall aspect of it, does she mean you harm? Does she go after you personally and make things personal? If she constantly abuses you mentally and emotionally, then she might need some counseling, maybe family counseling that you can both take together. But if it's nothing more than a mom just being a regular mom, then you should know that she just wants the best for you and probably doesn't want you to suffer the same life and fate she has. She probably has low self esteem issues and turns out her anger at those closest to her, like your, her daughter. I wish you luck.How I do I keep my mother out of my love life?
JUST DO IT !!!! Everything else will fall into place. You have to be able to live your own life. Your moms problems are hers. Never NOT do something because of what you '; think '; might happen. EVEN if you know it will happen.
Family therapy.



Because if she won't leave you alone by herself at age 22, you're in trouble. My mom trusts me to be responsible and just tell her if I start soemthing, and has since I was 17!
Its good that your mother cares about you enough to care about your life. Just talk to her, and tell her gently that you can take care of yourself, and do something to prove to her how responsible you are.
Well, 35 years ago, when I was in your shoes, I moved 600 miles from my mother and never told her anything specific or personal about my life. When I got married, she thought it was sudden because I'd never spoken to her about him, although I'd been dating him for over a year. You need to not live with her. If unable to do that, when she makes unwanted comments like ';slut';, etc., there are several ways you can respond: ';Thank you for your opinion'; ; ';Must have something to do with the way I was raised';; ';You never liked anything I do anyway, why should this be different?'; ';I learned from the best.'; ';Well, that's another rung on the ladder of self-esteem - thank you , mom'; Mainly, you have to get her to understand that she had her shot at youth and this is yours and that if she has nothing constructive to say, maybe she shouldn't say anything. You will not get her to stop by being sweet and kind. People like that need a verbal 2x4 upside the head. Or, you could just say, ';mom, when you make comments like that, it makes me sad that you can't find anything positive to say, or anything you like about me.'; Or, you could also say ';I'm sorry I make you so unhappy';.
keep her out of the loop. dont tell her stuff. I dont like my dad and he is completely out of my life. and I am younger than you. He lives in a nother state however. But you are 22 and should be independent and tell her straight up that you do not want her involved in your life and she should respect that. You also should tell ger that she should trust your judgement ( never smoked etc...)
Given that she sounds like a verbally and emotionally abusive person, it's unlikely you'll ever have a pleasant relationship with her.



The way to keep her out of your love life is to refuse to discuss it with her.



Don't tell her about any guy you talk to, date, or see seriously.



When she calls you names, experiment with ways to discourage her.



';Um, hmmm.';



';I don't see why you say that; I've never done anything to deserve you're calling me [whatever she just called you].'; Say it in a quiet, sad voice.



';Thanks, mom.';



or whatever other replies you can think of.



Do NOT take anything she says to you to heart.



You might consider counseling; being the daughter of an abusive mother has probably messed up your head; a professional can help you sort things out.



Do NOT give her the power to determine YOUR sense of self-worth. Obviously, she's no judge anyway.



Whenever she asks about your personal life, give a vague answer and change the subject.



Minimize contact.

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