Sunday, November 14, 2010

How should I let go of this?

I had hooked up with a coworker since I did feel a little attracted to him. Supposedly he has a gf but I don't know. We never actually had sex but we touched, caressed, and we would have dry sex. You know he would rub his private against mine. The thing is I've never been sexual with or even kissed a guy. So maybe there is something wrong with me. Anyway back in November, I emailed him telling him that this FWB is over and that I would tell HR on him if he ever suggested hooking up. Since November, I've been ignoring him completely no hello nada. Since I was so mad and hurt. Last month he went out of the country, I was actually relieved that he was gone, but then he came back last week and I kept ignoring him until yesterday. Yesterday, I saw him in the kitchen and he said hello, you know like a mechanical/ break the ice hello and I smiled and said hello and that was it. I felt completely at ease. This morning, I ran into him and said hello and he didn't say anything. I emailed him saying that I was hoping we could be on speaking terms since yesterday I felt at ease with speaking to him. He ignored my email. He actually didn't bother to open it and looked at me like a freak. I personally confronted him and he was like fine. As the afternoon progressed, I did a lot of walking by passing his desk, but I didn't bother to talk to him since I was working. As I was walking back and he was leaving he gave me a somewhat dirty rude look. I personally thought that was rude and I sent him an email stating that I thought him looking at me funny was rude and that I was hurting these past few months and that I was hoping we could get along as coworkers. Then I sent him another email that it was best that we didn't talk and that he should leave me alone and let me do my job. How can I move past this and get out and get some friends and a boyfriend? All I do is work and go to school, but I feel if I were getting out with people. This would be easier to deal with.

Sometimes he looks at me weird, so I don't know how he's feeling.How should I let go of this?
I think there is an important part of the story that you are leaving out: if you were ';friends';, why did you have to threaten him with HR? If you really were friends, I would think that you could have just talked to him about being uncomfortable with the situation. So it sounds like you like this guy, but feel like there is something dangerous about him, something you cannot trust.



Just be neutral, you and this guy are not on the same page. He doesn't want to have deep conversations with you about getting along as co-workers, he is just trying to do that. Just say hello, talk to him if something comes up, but don't go out of your way to walk by his desk and forget about him: you cannot be together since you threatened him with HR, he doesn't want to lose his job and get charged with sexual harassment.



It sounds like you are really lonely. If you are in school, invite a cute guy to go study with you, just to get your mind off this guy. If not a cute guy, ask a girl that you think is cool or interesting and see what else you might have in common. It is so easy to meet people when you are in school--take advantage of that!!!! Maybe you could get a pet (but see first if you have time to take care of it). Going out and exercising on a regular basis is a good way to feel good about yourself as well as develop other interests, you could take a kick-boxing class or a yoga class. If you are religious, a lot of churches have singles groups related to them. If you like art or music, going out by yourself to these events would not only be something you would enjoy, but it would increase your self-confidence and that would make you more attractive to others. Even just getting out will increase the odds that you meet someone else. If not, you will learn interesting stuff that will make you more attractive to someone.



Have confidence in yourself--there must be something about his guy that makes you uncomfortable. I agree that if you were getting out more with other people, this situation would not seem so important and would be easier to cope with, so TRUST your INSTINCTS and don't second guess yourself!!How should I let go of this?
I think you've figured this one out, did figure it out. Only you can't have it both ways.

He'll also feel insulted etc. You said you pretty much told him where to get off, so you have to let him get off, stay off. I do think he might have been using you, and that's not OK, right.

There's a great way to get out from under...it's called 'polite'. No e-mails, texting unless he does it, and then 'polite' in return eg. 'thanks, no time' etc. Sounds like it could be bad news.

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