There is a coworker of hers who is my age and has basically moved in. When my husband and I are in town to see the in-laws, she is always there for dinner. When we aren't, she stays in our bed. When my MIL comes to see us, this coworker tags along uninvited. My MIL complains about her a bit but isn't willing to say anything. She was originally assigned to my MIL as a mentor program but unlike the other ones who did the mentor thing for a year or two, this one is permanent.
My issue is this--She is now decorating my MILs house with pictures of these mother-daughter outings. My MIL's sister (does one have aunt in-laws?) and her daughter, my MIL and this coworker go to all these events. They have pictures of them at Wicked, when my cousin went to Prom, going to high tea.... You just can't help but think mother-daughter, mother-...who is this is every picture? hmm must be her daughter in law.
It bothers me more and more. Originally it didn't get to me. I thought in a year or so, the girl would stop needing to be mentored. I thought seeing us for dinner would eventually mean coworkers not invited or that over a couple years, my MIL would come to visit us without tagalong. My husband and I joked about her wanting to be the daughter-in-law and marrying my husband. But now that my husband and I have been married for 4 years, the fact that I'm not invited to any of these events bothers me. I wanted to see Wicked and I could understand if I couldn't go (I do live 3 hours away) because of prior commitments, but to not even be invited and then have all the mother daughter pictures posted everywhere hurts.
What would you do? How would you discuss this? Am I just being insanely over emotional simply b/c I don't have a mother of my own? Or would it be natural to be invited to mother-daughter outings first, even if there is the possibility I couldn't go?MIL seems to have found a new DIL. It's driving me crazy!?
Something about this troubling. I wonder if your MIL is being taken advantage of. At any rate, I would call her direct and just say-we are there for such a short time, we would rather see you all alone. And invite her to go to tea with just you %26amp; laugh a lot. Also casually drop you noticed the pictures of her from Wicked and would she please let you know if anything fun was happening? One more thing: start asking them to your house. A lot. Make it clear you don't want to see anything of Suzy!MIL seems to have found a new DIL. It's driving me crazy!?
I think you need to let it go. Your MIL is allowed to do things with other young women if she chooses to. It is not her job to keep her needy DIL happy. I am very sorry that you do not have a mother figure, but I really do feel like you are being overly jealous here.
Wow. That's some weird jealosy.
This women works with you MIL and probably lives closer. Your MIL is probably bored, and gets to see this women more then she sees you.
It is GOOD that your MIL has younger friends. It will take the pressure off when you MIL gets old and needly and lonely. Trust me on this. You DON'T want the MIL to look to you for her entire social life.
I can see that you are hurt and I'm sorry. You need to get yourself back ';in the circle';. Maybe your MIL thinks the 3 hour difference is too much to ask for you to travel. Why not have a heart to heart talk to your MIL and let her know you'd like to go to some of these things? Or better yet, invite her and the aunt-in-laws to an event or outing (but not the tagalong). If your MIL wants to invite the other woman, then fine, be nice and gracious, At least then you'll be included.
The first time I read the heading to this question, I was like, omg the MIL is trying to get her son a new fiancee and boot out the other one!
But thankfully for you, this is not the case.
However, I do understand your hurt feelings in this case. But you do have to consider the distance issue. I would suggest scheduling totally seperate events/outings with your mother in law and making it clear that it's just for the two of you. Maybe plan a surprise birthday party for your husband or something like that? And I do like the suggestion another poster had, casually mentioning the photos and saying doesn't that look fun, and to please let you know when something else was being planned, etc.
Lastly, I'm glad this wanna-be daughter in law over-mentored person doesn't want to get into your husband's pants. Beware if you find any photoshopped copies of your wedding photos with her head on your body! (Ok, I'm just a little paranoid maybe)
I think you need to let it go as well.
Yes, you are being over emotional, just because your MIL is spending time with this young lady doesn't mean she doesn't feel the same way she always has for you. Are you jealous and fearful you're being replaced?
Maybe this co-worker, like yourself doesn't have anyone in their life of a mother figure or they are just friends.
My mom married my dad when she was 16, she didn't have (much of) a mother growing up so my dad's mom was more a mother through the years than her mother was, my dad has 5 sisters none of them showed the jealous behavior that you are because they understood my mom enjoyed doing mother/daughter type things with their mom because she didn't have one do to the things with. She taught my mom how to drive, sew, bake, iron all the things a normal mother would but it didn't mean she loved her own daughters any less because she had room in her heart for my mom. My mom gets along well with all of my dad's sisters too (and brothers).
If you live 3 hours away, its reasonable to expect/assume that you wouldn't be availble for things.
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