Sunday, November 21, 2010

I don't have enough friends at 33yrs......or do I?

I just realized that although I'll have a good amount of kids for my son's birthday party, it's mostly b/c of my sisters kids (3 kids) and my neighbors ( 4 kids), I don't really have any adult girlfriends to hang out with. My husband (in anger) one time ridiculed the fact that I have no friends.

I get along well with my coworkers (but they live far) and my old friends are scattered across the states.

The church near me doesn't have any groups to join (I checked) and my neighbors are mostly old men.



How can a mature women with kids in elementary school make new girlfriends???



I've gotten so accustomed to staying home and enjoying my hermit lifestyle I hadn't realized (until my husband pointed it out) that I infact don't have any people that call me except my mom and sis! (he's always on the phone w/his friends)I don't have enough friends at 33yrs......or do I?
its normal. im 29 yrs old, and i know nobody within 25 miles from me. same thing, coworkers, and family. thats it. when you have kids (i have 2), a husband, a job, and a home to keep, its very hard to maintain friendships. finding a sitter, having money to go out... all the single women cant understand this, and all the mothers are in the same boat. seriously, this is where things like this the internet) are nice.I don't have enough friends at 33yrs......or do I?
I understand. My man won't allow me to have friends. So when my son's birthday comes around, I have no one to invite. I hate that. You can try cafemom.com and see about setting up playdates with other moms in your area.
well, what about the other moms from school?

Or if you really wanted to you could sign up for a class- which is a good way to meet people.
online maybe at the local park or mall etc...
Same here hun. I am 32 I have four kids work full time and go to college nights. its hard. I just joined a couple of groups on a website not too long ago called www.meetup.com The two out of the others I joined I liked. Some I didn't and quit others I did and am in. You can also go do night classes at a local community school. Those are fun. I know its hard. From experience. Good luck.
Perhaps you can make friends w/ some other moms in your sons school, PTA, volunteer work? I have made friends through my 2 sons schools.
here's a few ideas:

kid's school PTA

being room parent for one your kids

if your kids are into sport, get actively involved in coaching, snacks, car pooling, etc

go to your local library and join a book club (if available)

go to meetup.com they have clubs/groups everywhere in the states, find one or more that suit you and meet up with them

go take a class somewhere, whether it be college, or a local art studio, culinary

local ymca



there's a ton of things out there, you just got to get out there.
Make friends with the other mothers at your child's school...I know easier said then done...we moved away from my friends and family a year ago and I still don't have any friends here...i don't really plan on making any and it doesn't bother me because we are moving back to where my real friends are in about 7 months...but that's about all the advice I can give is the school mom's. Volunteer for some stuff at the school and you can get to know some of them.
--volunteer at your kids' school

--volunteer through some other organization (be an art museum docent, zoo guide -- whatever interests you)

--join a book club/reading group through your library

--join a SUnday school class at your church

--take an art, knitting, painting, etc. class
I have ONE good friend and one good one is all you need...sometimes that one good friend is a family member and damnit.....thats just fine!!!
How old is your son? Why not set up play dates where your son and his friends can play and invites their mothers over? What kind of events is your son involved in?



What about your husband's friends? Do they have wives? I'm not saying that you have to have female friends but that seems to be what you're alluding to needing. What about hanging out with them? Ask if they want to go to dinner sans husbands, movie, etc.



I moved to my husband's hometown area and had no friends. I am now really good friends with his friends wives.



What about offering to host a party...like Mary Kay or tastefully simple or candle-lite and ask anyone you know to come and bring someone they know so you can expand your social circle?



What about your husbands coworkers? My best friend is actually one of his coworkers (a female).



What about joining a sports team? I met some very nice ladies by just randomly joining an indoor soccer team. Take a class...crafts, cooking, athletics?



Hope this gives you some ideas.
Try school but don't put all your eggs there. What do you like to do that doesn't involve your kids? (they will grow up one day and then you'll be lost because you have centered your life around them.) These friends of your husbands, are they single? If not where are their wives? You mentioned the church near you, are you a member there? My church will keep me busy 7 days a week if I let them. Maybe you should look at another one.
friendship is about quality.... not quanity......



you'll make friends as your kids get older and make some friends of their own..... don't listen to your husband...
So what? Its obvious you don't need to be around people as others do. Some people don't like to be close to others besides their family members. You are doing exactly what you want do naturally. You don't have to follow others and always be around others. I think what you really need to ask yourself, are you missing anything?



I am the same way. I have two close friends that I talk to all the time and thats about it. We have very stimilating and interesting discussions about world events, culture and business. I am not the type of person that will sit in a room and chat about nothing, it's boring. My wife on the other hand can talk on the phone for two hours about nothing. she needs lots of people around all the time, so I have to stick it out for those events. I end up observing more than anything and I the only thing I notice is how shallow and insecure most people are in group settings. They try and to get someone to either agree with their comments or opinions, or justification for something they are doing because they can't make a decision about themselves.



You also can't really call someone a friend until something bad happens and see how they scatter when it does.
join the PTA - take a class at the y or local community college
I agree that it's normal nowadays. I had many more ';friends'; when I was younger. Due to different schedules, it's often very difficult for me to get together with anyone. I work first shift (office 9-5) and a few of my ';close'; friends work odd or irregular shifts/days. Being married, I find myself more dedicated to my husband than anyone else. I just don't have time for that many friends. I'm sure with your family, it is harder to get together with friends/make friends unless they are married with kids.



I agree that a couple of friends are enough. Sometimes that friend is your spouse, your mom or one of your siblings. I am closer to my sister than ever before at the age of 34 (she's 28 with a 2 1/2 yr old child).

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