Sunday, November 21, 2010

How I do I keep my mother out of my love life?

For good. I'm 22, i have a scholarship for college, never have done drugs or smoked, never had sex, but for my whole life NOTHING I ever did was good enough. She never talked to me about sex, calls me a s l u t for even talking to my guy friend (who I later found out was gay), and acts like I have no sexuality because she never even asked me if I thought someone was cute. I NEVER want her involved in my love life but at the same time I don't want to become enemies. I want to have the type of relationship you would have with a classmate, or a coworker--you get along, but never talk about personal lives. HOw do I do this.How I do I keep my mother out of my love life?
You're gonna laugh - but treat her like a child, realize that you are, in fact, the adult in this relationship. This requires patience, something I am working on daily. That's how I treat my mom.... and I ain't close to her either!How I do I keep my mother out of my love life?
tell her straight up.
It's my experience that there's no way that doesn't end in her never speaking to you again.
Just tell her plain out. You don't want her involved with your love life.
Well for starters just move out if you're still living with her. Secondly she has no right to call you a s l u t and she shouldnt say that. Your an adult. Your mother needs to realise that.
It shouldn't be too hard if you're not staying with her while going to college. If you are staying with her, I'd suggest you move out, since she obviously has issues.
Well, with this posting it explains a lot about you and your hang-ups about sexuality. It sounds to me your mother has kind of made it seem like sex is horrible and sinful or something, and if you're with the right person it's really not!





Anyway, I am not close to my mother either, and my advice is to stay away from her. If you don't like the way she talks to you, tell her as much. It seems as though you need to distance yourself from her. No need to subject yourself to her taunts and rants about what you're doing wrong - when you're not!
I have a daughter that won't stay out of her girls love life. When you are a mom you will understand how hard it is to let go and give up control. You are in control in so much of your childs life and development and when they want to have a life of their own it's hard sometimes to let them. You have to have a talk with your mom and tell her you are an adult and she is not going to save you from making mistakes and you appreciate all she has done to raise you as an adult but now you want to take it from here on.
good luck....


she is adjusting to an adult relationship with her daughter and she is obviously not ready for it....you need to set the tone for the relationship...be gentle give her time...don't answer any invasive questions....


be strong give it time
Congratulations as you are on your way to college and a bright future. Your mother does not have to be in your love life anymore than you allow her to. Since you apparently don't have much communication, it would stand to reason that you would not bring up any love interests for her to ';get in';. It's a shame though. Mothers, when close to their daughters, can have a great influence and be a source of comfort and information when it comes to understanding the male species sometimes. It's a shame you don't have that with your mom. But all is not lost. You can always be open and cordial toward her and you don't have to become enemies. Perhaps as you continue to mature and she sees your move forward into adulthood and more responsibiity, she might become more open toward you. My mother was old-fashioned and never talked to me about such things. As I got older, I found that she was more open with me because I was an adult and the things she would not talk about when I was a teen, she found she could discuss with more ease. Give her a chance. Some areas of our lives may need to remain private if people are going to be condesending towards us. Good luck to you.
That relationship will never happen because she is your mom. By calling you a s l u t maybe that's how you were able to stay a virgin. If you don't want anything to do with her move out/change your locks/move out of state... basically get away from her.





FYI, most have to go through an embarrassing situation to cut some ties. Like my mom keep stopping by when I moved out until one morning she came over (with out calling) and asked if I wanted breakfast. I asked my male company (clearly he spent the night) if he wanted to go. It was really awkward. It never happened again. She gives me tons of warning now.
You cannot have the type of relationship that you idealize. Stop telling her things, ignore her taunts, and she'll get the hint going forward.
No! They're all gonna laugh at you! They're all gonna laugh at you! No!





Stick up for yourself and tell her you're a grown woman and to worry about herself. Perhaps I'm speaking from a politically correct officer's perspective... which is to ';Fight the Man'; and ';Fight the Power';.
You've got to graduate from being a child to being a ';fellow'; adult - and she also has to graduate from being ';mom'; to being a fellow adult - and you relating to each other in that way.





This is always done, but in our culture there's not many effective rites of passage to let both people delineate time and to undergo the transformation of relationship. So, most people bicker, fight, get pregnant, married, move-out - all kinds of ineffective things.





Unfortunately, it's probably on you to make this happen - to become the adult in the situation and to take control of this aspect. There are many different things you can do - I recommend this:





1. Cut your hair. Ritualize it as the transformation from child to adult. Dispose of some of it - and something from childhood - something symbolic. In your mind, put that time into the past, and transform your relationship in your mind.





2. Treat Mom to a nice meal. Arrange it totally on your own, no input from her, and pay for it. (DO NOT make it yourself). In your own mind, let this be about becoming equal - at least in the sense of being an adult-to-adult relationship.





3. Resolve to relate to her as an adult - and to maintain the communications on that level. If she accidentially slips back into ';mother'; mode, you can do one of three things:





A. Pretend it was an accident, and that the polite thing is to ';not hear'; it, and go on as an adult. (like flatulence, you know)





B. Redirect conversation to a realm of your adult strength.





C. Just silently walk away, severing communications until you're more resourceful and can uphold your end of adult-to-adult communication. This is a version of ';time-out'; or ';off-limits'; talk, and it can work wonders for feedback to the parent, but can also be challenging - for both parties.





You can also get creative about pushing her buttons. You know them - you were 13 at one time...





My own mother kept giving my wife a hard time about making her some grandbabies. At long last, I asked Mom (who is very prudish) if I should interrogate or advise her about her bedroom activities with her husband. End of conversation - forever.





You have to get a playful spirit about it to do that successfully, though...
You just decribed me and my mom when i was growing up. I never talked about sex or guys and she I never told her anything when it came to guys. I used to sneek to talk to someone I liked and If she would find out I was maybe talking to some guy, I would get in trouble. She always put me down and I felt anything and everything I did was not good enough for her or anyone, I didn't know it then but it made me have low self esteam and always sad. When your sad who do you go to? Ya I couldn't go to her because I felt that was a sign of weakness. I used to work and give her all my money, sometimes I would keep some and I after I graduated I wanted to go to college, but she said, when you get married let your husband pay for that. There are so many other things to say about other subjects in my younger life and now but I'd rather not go into it, that would take a book . I look back now and remember and I think I was a really good girl and I would love to have a girl who was just like me then. If I can describe my life when I was younger I would say I was the real Cinderella. I know she didn't hate me but she couldn't help how she was and she still is like that after many years. I can't change her, Lord I have so many times, I think she's just a bitter person and she can't and couldn't be the kind of mom that every girl wants. But If YOu can't change someone, you can only change yourself and that's what I did. I am doing everything in my power to never treat my daughter that way because in a way, my little girl is the girl who was me and I am loving her the way I would have wanted to be loved. Right now I choose to believe in me and when I do something I do it with confidence because I'm not gonna let anyone bring me down.





All that stuff I probably wouldn't change because It's made me who I am today. It made me get into music and writing and I have written so many songs and won awards and now I'm working with artist from all over, because what I say in my songs, it hits home and I write from experience.





I don't know If you can change your mom but I know this, YOu can only change you. Good luck hun and lots of hugs and kisses xoxoxoxoxoxo





Hey I'm feeling another song coming on!
Lock your bedroom door.





Better still move out.





She is never going to give you the relationship you want so you are going to have to settle for something a lot less ideal.
Just don't tell her anything. Nothing at all. Pretend your love life is nonexistent. That's what I do with my dad 鈥?as far as he knows, I and the guy I'm dating are just really good friends.
She is your mother so it is good to be civil to her. But we can't choose our mothers and there is nothing that says we have to be closer than we want to or feel comfortable with.





I think you will be happier if you just say your love life is personal. She may get mad but you keep steady on that. Just tell her it's not up for discussion and that's it. Best wishes.
If you don't live at home, this might be easier. In that case, you may only talk to her on the phone or visit her. Just steer the conversation away if she brings it up, and try to make it clear to her that you'd rather not discuss it.
Listen to your mom! She wishes you the best. She only calls you s-word because she doesnt want you to become promiscuous....

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